This Tree is Not a Home
by Mus4u
Summary: Tobias is searching for something. He just wont admit what, yet. Mentions Tobias/Rachel, hints at Tobias/Jake


I do not own Animorphs

Fills the lj user=hc_bingo prompt 'homesickness'. OMG, one more to go.

* * *

Tobias hadn't thought that he would miss his human life. What was there to miss? he had thought over and over again. Since the Ellimist had given him back his ability to morph though...thoughts had started forming in his head. Thoughts about what it would be like to sleep in a _bed_ even if only for two hours. Thoughts about what it would be like to kiss, hug, love someone.

He thought he had that part covered. He had gone to Rachel that first night, the first time the itch for a human life took hold of him. She had welcomed him, smiling, happy that he come to her. She had tried so many times after the Ellimist to get him to do, anything with her. Go to the movies, hold hands at meetings. Kiss her cheek. And Tobias had shied away. Uncomfortable with something. Not that night. They laid on her bed together, kissing, holding each other, and when his two hours were up she asked him to stay. Tobias hesitated too long and when he was in his full hawk body he took off.

He came back again two nights later and Rachel let him into her open arms. This time she didn't ask but he morphed back and laid down next to her. She set the alarm, but Tobias didn't sleep. He tried, he wanted to but sleep would not come. His body wouldn't relax; he jumped at ever noise, shifting of light. Rachel slept next to him her face a picture of peaceful. He watched her sleep and wished he could do the same. Before the alarm could wake her Tobias switched it off, slipped from under Rachel's body and morphed. It took him a full minute to work up the courage to morph back and not leave her alone.

Several nights of this and Ax was questioning.

Tobias could barely keep his eyes open most mornings; he definitely didn't want to go running with Ax. He spent most days curled up in his tree, sleeping.

~Tobias, why are you so tried?~ Ax stared at him curiously.

He shifted uncomfortably. ~I've been spending the night with Rachel.~ Now he looked confused, ~It's hard to sleep,~ he explained. Ax made a noise like he understood and Tobias thought that would be all on the subject.

~Then why do you sleep there?~ Ax questioned him a few minutes later.

Tobias didn't answer right away, then after a moment, ~I'm looking for something, I mean...~ He wasn't sure what he was doing. ~I guess, I miss something.~

Ax tried to drop it, Tobias could tell. But he was so curious and he cared about Tobias' well being. ~What?~

Tobias sighed and ruffled his feathers, ~I don't know, Ax.~ Neither of them said anything else.

* * *

All of it brought him where he was now. Circling above Jake's house working up the nerve to make his presence known. He had avoided Rachel's for a week now, evading her inquiring, making excuses. Now though the itch was back and he wanted...something. Tobias didn't understand this need he felt for something safe, warm. The houses he had lived in had never felt like a home. His tree, in his territory; that was more of a home to him. He needed to make a decision before it was too late for him to fly home.

~J-Jake, you home?~ His bedroom window remained dark for a minute before the light came on and Jake was opening the window for him.

"Hey," he said, quietly, as Tobias flew in. "Is everything okay?"

Tobias glanced at the clock and winced, he had wasted more time than he thought circling around. It was almost nine-thirty. ~Um, yeah...~ Jake didn't look convinced. ~Do you mind if I morph?~

Jake shook his head and went to his closet to get Tobias something heavier than his morphing suit. He morphed slowly trying to figure out just what he was thinking. Tobias was starting to wonder if he lost his mind. He had nothing to tell Jake once he was morphed, no plan that didn't have him coming out sounding crazy. He definitely did not want that. All he needed was the team thinking he'd finally lost it to his "bird-brain." Tobias took the sweats from Jake and quickly put them on, welcoming the warmth they brought. It wasn't particularly cold but Tobias had forgotten what soft cotton could feel like when chilly out. They sat down awkwardly; Jake on the bed and Tobias in his desk chair.

"Sorry to barge in," Tobias finally broke the silence.

Jake shrugged, "I was headed up here anyways. Why are you here, Tobias?" he wasn't leaving room for him to evaded the question this time.

It was a lot easier to be truthful with Jake than Rachel, "I don't know. I'm lo-" his mouth snapped shut. He almost said "lonely" and he could imagine that Jake would ask why he came there and instead of Rachel's."I don't know," he repeated.

"Wanna play video games?" Jake offered.

Tobias grinned, "Yeah, actually."

They kept the television audio low and more than a few times they had to elbow each other to stay in line. But it was the most fun Tobias had had in a long time; he couldn't even remember the last time he had done something so mundane as play a video game. He was terrible though and Jake beat him almost every time. Everything from the shooting games to the hand-to-hand fighting ones; it still didn't matter to Tobias.

"Thanks," he said. They had finally gotten bored and switched the game system off. Now some stand-up comedian was barely audible on the screen but they weren't paying attention.

Jake was laying on his bed and Tobias was leaning against it. "You're welcome. Though I'm not sure what I did."

"Just...this. I've been missing it." Tobias ran his fingers through his hair.

"What, exactly, Tobias?" Jake's hand twitched and Tobias felt his fingertips brush against his shoulder.

Tobias felt tears flood his eyes. "A h-home." It was the first time he had said it out loud; it was the first time he had admitted it. Jake sat up and his hand gripped Tobias' shoulder. They sat there for several minutes as tears rolled down Tobias' cheeks and Jake's thumb rubbed at his collar bone.

"You have to morph," Jake said quietly.

"I know." Tobias shook his shoulders, a move that if he had been in his hawk-body would have resulted in his feathers ruffling. In his human-body it dislodged Jake's hand and he wasn't examining why he disliked the lost.

"Stay here, you can't fly home. I'll go find an extra pillow and blanket." Jake swung his legs over the edge of the bed and patted Tobias' shoulder before standing. While Jake was out of the room Tobias removed the sweats and morphed, just like the first time he spent the night at Rachel's it took him a moment to convince himself to stay. Long enough that Jake came back with a pillow and two blankets. "Oh, yeah," his face got red, "I didn't think about that." He looked around his room, "Any good perching spots?"

Tobias shook his head and Jake's face fell but it was enough to convince Tobias. He morphed back and slipped the sweats on, then took the blankets from Jake. "Set the alarm?" He laid one blanket on the floor and then the other on top. It wasn't much but it seemed like a king in the Ritz compared to his lonely tree. Jake threw the pillow down and grabbed his phone.

Once they were settled in their respective beds and the lights were out Jake asked the one question Tobias had been hoping to avoid. "Why did you come here and not Rachel's?"

Tobias swallowed, hard, "I'm not at home with Rachel." Tobias didn't elaborate and Jake didn't press. They both fell silent... Tobias was surprised when an hour and a half later the alarm woke him up.


End file.
